July 31st, 2004
I left Spike and cried. I sat there in the cemetary crying. I got up and walked around just thinking.What if Dru was right, and we werent meant to be. "I love you Spike.." I said into the night air.
Current Mood: confused
"I love you too," I say standing behind Cordi.
When she had rush off I had gotten dressed and set out to find her. I couldn't let her throw us away. Not when I love her so much.
"Cordi please...do run from me...please let me love you...let me take care of you...I love you...I need you." I say as I touch her shoulders. "Please don't leave me Cordi."
"What if shes right?What if we arent meant to be?What if Angel and Buffy arent meant to be?Im not like you..and Buffy isnt like Angel. You should go..be with her..I love you and I always will..but If I stay..I know one of us will end up hurt and I know its going to be me and I can't handle that Spike..."
I turn away from him..I dont want him to see me crying.
I turn her back to me, "Don't you let her gets to us. Don't you let Dru win. I love you. Damn it Cordi I love you, don't do this. I'll do anything Cordi. Please...don't leave. I can't just barely have you to lose you. Give us a chance."
I pull her close to me and kiss her deeply praying silently that she will stay.
"Spike Please.." I continue to cry..this isnt what I wanted for us." What if she is right?"
"She's not...you hear me... SHE'S NOT " I say crying now. "We WILL make this last...make it work."
I cry even harder now that hes crying. "Do you see what I did to you>Look at you Spike..I did that..I did.." I drop to my knees and cry into my hands.
I knelt by her and hold her in my arms, "It's only because I don't want to lose you. Even the thought...of...Cordi I need you. I have never loved any one like I love you."
I kiss her hair God this hurts so much. Please...don't leave me. Oh Cordi if you only understood how much I need you
I just hold her, "Don't leave me..."
I am still walking in the graveyard. Grinning from my encounter with Buffy. I spot Cordelia and Spike crying holing each other.
Pothetic...oh Spike to bring yourself so low.
I keep myself hidden and watch with interest wondering just what is happening.
"I wont..I cant." I kiss him. "I love you..Dont hurt me please..dont."
"I wont Cordi...I promise...I wont hurt you," I whisper to her. "I love you too much." I take her into my arms and walk back to my crypt.
I stop crying long enough to smile "I love you so much Spike."
We enter my crypt and I close the door with my foot. I lock it, "Don't want any more unwelcome visitors."
I take her to the bed and lay her down. I climb in after her and kiss her.
"We'll just hold each other. I don't want to do anything until you want to," I whisper to her as I wrap my arms around her.
"Okay.I like that..Can we just cuddle..and talk?" I smiled and turn my head towards him
"I think that would be the perfect thing to do...of course I think anything with you is perfect," I whisper and brush my lips on her cheek lightly kissing her.
"You are making me blush." I smile and turn towards him "So..Do you have a full name?"
I smile at her, "Not one I go by. William is the only other thing I go by. I'm not that person anymore though. So I just forgot that name."
I brush her hair away, "What about you...what is your full name?"
"O..Ok..Um Cordelia Anne Chase.Boring..When is your birthday Spike?"
"Aug 25th ...yours...oh and what is your favorite color?"
"October 10th..Pink.."I grin
I wrinkle my nose, "Pink huh...okay what ever floats your boat love. Ummmm...okay..your fav season?"
"Winter..ANd yes..Pink..dont wrinkle your nose mister..whats yours..black?"
"No...as a matter of fact it's the color of your eyes" I say stairing in her eyes.
I cover them and look at him through a gap between my fingers"I told you about making me blush..dont.I get uncomfortable.."I stickout my bottom lip
I lean down and bite her lip lightly. Then I began to kiss her deeply.
"I think I like to make you blush. You look so cute with that bottom lip out like that," I whisper ageist her lips and began to suck on her lower lip.
As he sucks my bottom lip, I suck his top lip. My hand moves to his head..I try to run it through his hair..but there is too much gel. I giggle.
I look at her as she giggles, "What...what's so funny," I ask smiling at her brushing away the hair in her face.
"Your hair! Theres so much gel that I cant even run my fingers through it.."She laughed some more.
I laugh as I touch my hair, "Yeah...well I don't like it lose."
I nibble at her lips again, "Well...I guess I can go light on the gel...and leave it lose for you every now and then," I say and pull her close to me as my nibbling moves down to her neck.
"What is your fav animal," I ask my lips brushing her neck.
"You..I mean ducks.." I smile "Yours?"
I laugh at her, "cats...like the big cats. Where have you always wanted to travel to?"
"Im allergic to cats..I look down a bit embarrassed " Hawaii.."
"Well then I will just have to take you there," I say lifting her chin. I rest my head next to her. "For our honeymoon..."
"Honeymoons are for people who are married honey." I smile and laugh and kiss his forehead..then I realize whats going on.
Our eyes lock, "Yes...I am awair of that love. I intend to marry you," I whisper.
I bit my lip and cover my teeth with my upper lip and then I smile. "A big white wedding?"
"What ever your heart desires love. I will give it to you. I just hope your heart desires me," I say taking out a ring.
"You don't have to give me an answer now...and I can't promise you we can get married anytime soon. I might be as long as 6 months. But I can promise to love you all my life...and I mean ALL of it."
I give her the ring "I know that our love can make it. I need you Cordi...I love you...will you...marry me," I ask a bit more nervous then I had expected.
I was speechless "Yes.." I think.. 6 months. I kiss him and then ask "Why do we have to wait so long?"
Yes...she said yes!!!
I kiss her deeply never happier in my life.
"Well seeing as how our lives are not the easiest. That and I have a few lose ends to take care of love. Plus I didn't want to rush you. I want everything perfect for your day Cordi. Your going to have it all. The best wedding, the best honeymoon, the best house, everything. That take time so I figured about 6 months."
I slide the ring on her finger, "I don't want to lose you Cordi. I am not letting you slip threw my fingers. So I disided to take the step...to take the chance. I got this for tonight...was planing on proposing when we got here, but we had unexpected company."
I look in her eyes, "Do you like it?"
"I love it and I love you" I kiss him and smile "You are wonderful.."
I hold her in my arms I get to spend my life with her. I get to hold her like this always. I kiss her, "You have no idea how happy you have made me. I love you so much," I whisper to her getting tired.
"We had a long night..maybe we shuold sleep." I smile and kiss him
I put my face in her hair, "Mmmmhhmmmm," I moan closing my eyes enjoying her scent as I began to fall to sleep.
"Dont have an orgasm now.." I laugh and close my eyes and pull myself closer to him.
I stop crying long enough to smile "I love you so much Spike."